silent turns to pain.

looking at you makes it harder

2011-10-13T02:58:00.001+08:00

i'm feeling so down tonight. i've cried it all out, but it didn't make me feel any better. in fact, i feel like crying all over again while typing out this post. why do you have to mean so much to me? it has long been over between us, plus i'm already here in poly, i should have move on. yeah right, karlina. how are you supposed to move on if it's only him in your mind all the time? gosh, i feel like an idiot now. i've never been so weak till i am right now. this is just so annoying. i love you still, okay no :'/

got nowhere to run

2011-07-29T06:15:00.003+08:00

i cry everyday, and i'm feeling really empty right now. mom is inside the hospital, i'm scared she'll leave me any time. exams are around the corner, and i really can't concentrate. well anywayzzzz, it's over between me and spiky, so i've deleted all the past posts. despite all these shits going on, i really still have got no one to turn to. it's okay, i'm used to it. i have always depended on myself. best poly guyfriend has helped me too much, i don't really want to bother him anymore. you know, i don't share problems with anybody, and now i'm alone, my heart can just die any time... i have too much bottling up in me. lowest point at this period of time.

nevermind. i'm fine, sigh...

saying goodbye makes me feel like saying sorry.

2011-05-28T00:19:00.000+08:00

this is my first time updating with my ipod touch. too lazy to use the computer today. no, i don't want to say goodnight, but you'll be in my dreams. seems familiar? i wrote that in my previous blog post, which was yesterday's, and you actually appeared in my dreams last night. it was a very long dream that lasted 'till morning, and i woke up smiling. ily.

just a touch in the fire burning so bright.

2011-05-27T02:31:00.003+08:00

been such a long time since i updated. school is really tiring, and like what they all say, poly life is not what you think it would be. i second that so much. this shall be a short update again. i'm updating for the sake of keeping this blog alive. i'm gonna head to sleep now. zai jian, zai jian.

it's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe, caught up in this moment, caught up in your smile. i've never opened up to anyone but you, and it's so hard to hold back when i'm keeping you in my soul. we don't need to rush this. let's just take this slow. you know what? you just might be the one i've been waiting for my whole life, spiky. no, i don't want to say goodnight, but you'll be in my dreams.

come and be my latest love.

2011-05-11T02:05:00.002+08:00

he came back again, but i've never hated him. that feeling i felt long ago is exactly what i'm feeling still right now.

help me get you out of my mind, out of my heart.

2011-05-09T07:01:00.000+08:00

boy, you're so one in a million. you are, baby, you're the best i've ever had.

need to get myself back on track.

2011-05-08T04:52:00.000+08:00

i'm beginning to put the past behind, and slowly trying to mend those shattered pieces of my heart. i spent hours sitting at the nearby reservoir, trying to get myself back together. i've been a very quiet girl in school, and my new classmates have been asking me why am i not eating during break time. it's okay, i don't blame them. they know nothing about me yet, but all those shits actually changed me wayyyy negatively, and i just realized that recently. well, i'm changing for the better now. yes, i really am, this time round. i've even started talking back to spiky. i can't run away from him forever. i'll just miss him more, and that will just make me think of him more, and tell me, when will i be able to forget him that way? i guess, i'll just go with the flow, but i should always remember that you are no longer mine, and you are just a normal friend to me ;)

you've picked the wrong girl, my friend.

2011-05-05T21:26:00.001+08:00

seriously, i don't know what you were thinking. no wonder you always walk beside me every time we have to move from classrooms to classrooms, smiling at me and trying to get near to me. you were already late for your lesson, yet you still have time to talk to me. you enjoy teasing me in class, and i was always wondering why are you only teasing me. who would ever thought you actually like me? i tried to avoid you, but everywhere i go, i still see you. what do you see in this ugly girl, come on. i'm so shy. i don't really talk much to you. worst of all, you are my classmate and i am ugly. i admit i admire your baby-face. i admit i feel comfortable around you and that i'm touched every time you are always there to help me.

it'll be great to have an 18-year-old like you as my boyfriend, but my heart is still with spiky. furthermore, it's just the third week of our poly life. you gotta try to know me more, 'cause i think you should open your eyes wider and see who this girl really is. i mean, there are many other girls. sigh. i don't know how to face you now....

too much for me to handle

2011-05-04T19:01:00.000+08:00

i don't know what to do... i didn't know what my father did....... i don't know why this is affecting me so much....

we are screaming inside, and i will remember you.

2011-04-24T10:32:00.002+08:00

yesterday, someone at work asked me about you. upon hearing that question, my heart felt heavy. i didn't know what to answer, and right at that moment, i wish she didn't ask me that in the first place. i didn't want to tell her what happened to us at first. i knew, if i were to tell her, frankly speaking, my heart won't be able to take it, but eventually i did, and i broke down in front of her. i felt my insides screaming, i just wanted to run away into somewhere peaceful. well, she did try to comfort me after that. even so, i thank her for asking me such a question, or i would have kept those tears much more longer when they are meant to be out long ago. i think i've stayed strong enough, and i guess, it was time. i've never liked crying in front of anybody. my mind was filled with thoughts of you on the way home. i don't know... you gave me so much to remember.... but you know, i'm happy that he's happy with his girlfriend ;)

he is not there, but i can still feel him there.

2011-04-21T22:59:00.002+08:00

took pictures with my classmates today, but they are in my friend's lappy. so, no picture for this post, le sigh... oh, wells. i'm starting to luv school. cool classmates and awesome lecturers, what more can i ask for? :') had to perform a cheer with my classmates, and i really put that shy side of me aside, and just cheered all the way in front of everybody. seniors recorded us and the video's gonna be posted in ngee ann's facebook page soon! i gotta ask my friends to go like my class' video 'cause the video with the most number of likes wins! i'm looking forward to the results.

i've been hanging out with this male classmate of mine. going to school with him in the morning and all. he's shy, and i think that is the reason why we can interact with each other well, but wtf, he's so tall, everytime he talks, my neck has to hurt very much. nah, he's just a normal classmate to me. seriously, words can't express how currently in luv i am with school. i thought after screwing up my first day, the rest of my poly life will be fucked up as well, but i was wrong. despite me being kind of anti-social (not literally saying that i'm anti-social, 'cause if i really am, i won't be talking to anybody at all until now), people approached me and introduced themselves. feels so bonded with them after a while. haha, it's just my fourth day in poly. i hope poly life will be fine for me for the rest of my three years there. welcome to a whole new life, karlina! p.s: you're always in my mind, spiky. heard that your eyes are giving you problems again. you're still as stubborn as before. go to the doctor. i don't want you to turn blind. if only i can say this to him....

my thoughts you can never decode.

2011-04-15T06:22:00.000+08:00

everyday, i still ask myself the same question: did i do the right thing of walking away, or should i have try harder to make us stay? - karlina

i hate that i luv you so.

2011-04-14T05:49:00.004+08:00

i knew from the very start, this day would come. the day i feared the most, the day i had to let you go, the day i had to say goodbye. i’m just a stupid girl who got you busy & frustrated for a few days, but i never did, i don’t, and never will regret loving you. i promised to stay happy and for the next three hundred and sixty five days or so to stay strong, stronger than i’ve ever been. i will never forget the few yet best days of my life.

i still remember the very first time i met you, how you held my arms and thank me countless times for accompanying you to the hospital when you were sick. your smile, your voice, everything about you made me realize that night, i was falling in love, and this time around, i was right. that night was indeed a fairytale. just a god-damned fairytale. i also remember our very first time sitting in the library together. this was my favourite >:) it was cute how we really have no idea where to go, but for the sake of wanting to meet up, we proceeded to the library instead, drawing and doodling anything we could. that day was sweet, and i definitely can never forget our conversations on the phone. i love your sexy, husky voice and your 'can i sing for you, but can you please don't laugh' questions, but eventually, i laughed, 'cause dear adorable guy, you really can't sing, hahaha :'> feeling challenged, you started singing with the voice of an angel. it was a lot better, i won't deny.

you were my first in a lot of things and i wish you’d be my last. being with you for already four years now was a roller coaster ride. from just cyber friends to friends to becoming my love. i was unsure at first because i was afraid, but you made me believe, telling me that we will be fine, and through those ups and downs, we made it, but whyyyy.... i chose to let you go. i hate myself for doing so, but thank you for everything. i'm sorry for what i've done wrong and what i've failed to do. till today, it's funny how you are still texting me when you already have a girlfriend. it's not that i don't want to reply you at all, but i really want to get over you. that's my wish right now. i'll text you back whenever i'm fine. luv, keep holding on.

i will forever keep these memories in my heart, cherished and unforgotten. all those nights with you, were the best nights of my life, and now, now that you’re gone, gone to embark on another long journey, i promise you, that as a friend, i will always be there for you. last long with her, and may god bless the both of you.

wherever this life takes us today, i know someday our roads are gonna cross again. maybe as friends, or whatever it is. you were the best of my love story. i love you, spiky, whose hair isn't spiky anymore ♥

goodbye… for now.

nothing's wrong. i'm fine, really, i am.

2011-04-12T14:54:00.002+08:00

tears just fell upon reading this, because this is us. you almost exactly said all those, and i shouldn't have been that heartless, pretending that it didn't hurt me at all. fine. i regretted, but i'm moving on...

what am i supposed to do when the best part of me was you?

2011-04-06T03:00:00.006+08:00

say goodbye to my messy hair, but i'm afraid of getting sick over my soft rebonded hair in months to come. my hair will remain straight all the time. oh, wells... saw a lot of friends recently. from primary school friends to secondary school mates, and worst thing is, they saw me in my work uniform, with a ribbon clip on me hair. le sigh... i have to come over to ngee ann poly on one of the days before school starts to get my sports and wellness t-shirt, and speaking of that, i have yet to take my olevels cert from jurong west sec also. troublesome.

ugh... karl, why are you crying? karl, y are you so useless? karl, get over him today, will you? heads up, karl, stay strong. it's okay...

i said i'd never let you go, and i didn't mean it.

2011-04-02T03:19:00.004+08:00

sometimes when things stop making sense, i slowly remove myself from everything and become a secret ghost. i drift through the days and not think about anything because thinking could lead to too many things and my frail little heart may be too full of sadness to really want to recall anything, but i know that hiding away only leads to being a ghost much more longer. these ghostly vacations only store my problems way deep down inside, where i find myself caught in a web of emotions that haunts my soul until i find a way out into the light. hahaha, i'm just typing out shitz. my turn to be sick, OH PAIN OH AGONYYYY.... down with fever and flu. it should be my sister.... she must have spread her germs to me ;(

her eyes, they used to shine so bright.

2011-03-31T04:09:00.002+08:00

when i saw how you talked with your girlfriend, it reminded me of last time. you are such a sweet guy, making the effort to wake your girlfriend up in the morning for school. seriously, any girl who owns you is a lucky girl, 'cause i used to feel that way :'> anywayssss, i don't know if i want to go for the health sciences bonding camp on the 8th 'till 10th of april. some of my future coursemates have been contacting me through facebook message and i like them. they seem to be very friendly, but too bad, none of them are going for the camp. well, they are definitely the first few people i'm gonna find on the first day of school.

ahhhh, speaking of school, i have yet to get my hepatitis B injection. was supposed to get that done like two weeks ago... but mom's not free always. my hair is getting longer, but it's growing at a rate where even a tortoise can win the rabbit, if you get what i mean... yes, that fucken' slow. i'm in need of pictures. i haven't been taking pictures for quite a long time already, which obviously explains why i don't have pictures at the start of some blog entries. oh yes, i hope i get at least four off days of my next week's work schecule. i need a break before school starts... really need them... and i need to sleep. where is my mind?

i luv you still, i luv you not already?

2011-03-29T04:38:00.002+08:00

it's almost 5 in the morning, and i'm still not asleep yet. well, i am sleepy... but you know, for the sake of siblings' luv... the luv to my sister that i'm still awake. she is down with fever right now, how pitiful. she's very sick that she has to make me worry about her so much 'cause she can't even do things on her own. yea, that's how sicky micky she is. i've been having this urge to write a journal about us... you and me... before i really dump all those stuffs that bring memories of us, but i guess... maybe, not today. my mind is too preoccupied with not just you, but other stuffs also. shits have been happening continuously lately, and i just hope i'll be strong to overcome the worser ones to come. this is life.

yes... i miss my friends. i almost found my old handphone. okay... i've actually found it, but my sister has to misplace it again before i could charged the phone, damnnnnnnn. looks like my friends have to wait much longer for my replies to their messages. how i wish my blackberry isn't THIS troublesome at all. oh, guess what? i updated my tumblr, finally. this is so to keep me awake. say it again for me? yes, it's for the sake of my sister....

lock the doors, 'cause i'll like to have some peace.

2011-03-27T03:23:00.010+08:00

i have nothing much to say. life is meaningless, for now, but in my head, i've been thinking of what happened in the early evening yesterday. from far, i saw my friend cried in silent, but i dare not approached her. i wanted to, badly... but i totally don't know what to say to her to make her feel better. i felt so suckish right at that moment. in my mind was - if i were to give her a hug, i know she's gonna cry much more, and even if i want to cheer her up, my mouth is just dry with words i couldn't even verbalize. i'm never good with words to cheer people up. i'm useless, and i still feel guilty about this whole thing, i just want to close my eyes and forget about yesterday. seriously, what kind of a friend am i? i can never be a good friend.... fuck my life, i hate myself.....

move on la karl. don't be a sucker for life.

bad decisions. welcome to my silly life.

2011-03-26T04:41:00.001+08:00

i wanted to convert this open blog to a private blog, because i really don't want to people to read my entries, but on a second thought, i just remembered that i've never told anybody that i'm back on blogger. people even linked me at my tumblr already. fact is, i'm currently dead on tumblr instead, but back alive here on me bloggy. i don't know... i just need more space to put my thoughts into words. yes, i'm very greedy. on tumblr, there's only pictures... freaking pictures, and limited space for blogging. so... i made a video last night. i covered pink's fuckin' perfect on the guitar, and i observed that my eyes kept blinking. i looked so timid... no, not timid. i just seemed so stupid. right... this then remind me of what maira once said to me - that i kept blinking at the questions i see on the exam papers during examinations. that should be one of my bad habit, i guess.. and i just fucking realized it. i'm working in the morning later, but i'm not asleep yet now. please kill me.

i can see that you're really happy with her now. haha. i'm very convinced now that i actually did make the right decision after all. i knew it.. i knew she could be a good girlfriend to you :')

this isn't a harsh goodbye. we'll get through this.

2011-03-24T06:55:00.005+08:00

checked my formspring and was surprised to see that you wrote to me. thank you for following as i say. there's definitely a 'reasonable' reason why i bring our 'special friendship' to an end and wanted you to accept her. i think she needs you more than i do. like i said, you deserve better. thank you for the memories, even though they weren't so great at the end. yes indeed, i cried, and was feeling so down last night, but it's okay. you're a special guy. i've had you. i'm letting her have you now. heartbeat is slowing, pains are growing. scream at me now, make it the best i've ever heard. that shall be the last thing i want to hear from you. take care of yourself, and i hope she takes good care of you. you've always been my best. luv you :')

makes it hard for me to breath and think.

2011-03-22T04:16:00.005+08:00

i still luv you, but my heart feels heavy to have you back.

i miss you, really do, despite you sending messages to me everyday...

i'm screwed up... so fucked up.... i feel like shit..................

please. stop. texting. me.

please.. stop.. calling.. my.... phone.

please... stop... sending... me.. emailz...

please.. stop... asking.. me... to.. get.. back. to. how. we. used. to. be..

pleaseeeee.. leave me alone.... please let me get over you.... please

i shall take comfort in the thought that i'll be okay... man, this is killing me :'(

who could deny these butterflies, they're killing me inside.

2011-03-21T04:41:00.020+08:00

i haven't been replying to his texts.. i need to get over you, it's only normal that i'm making that god damned effort to avoid you... yea 'cause that is how you try to forget someone right, i can't think of any other way... at last, i went online yesterday.. i dared to go online, only because it was around 4am in the morning, so i thought you were already asleep and won't be going online. funny how i could fell asleep few minutes after that, unlike any other days, and by that, i really mean i don't fall asleep in front of the laptop until that time. when i woke up from that short nap around 6am, i looked for my pretty blue mouse, which was actually hanging down by the side of my bed. moved the mouse a little to get rid of the annoying windows xp screen saver, and an orange light over at the bottom of the screen attracted my attention. it was the msn convo orange pop-up thing, and surprisingly, it has your name on it...

(insert name) says:

How are you ? Talk to me . Please Karlllllllllll I will wait until you reply ... (4.15am)

....

Haiss . Nvm . Goodnight karl . Im Sleeping Already . Miss you :') (5.15am)

so much for thinking you already went off to your dreamland. of all the days, why must you start a msn convo with me on the day i actually fell asleep. maybe, i might have replied you, 'cause i can't be running away from you forever, but i was thinking, maybe we're not meant to be. this is just too much of a coincidence to be coincidence. maybe, i really did the right thing of letting you go. my heart aches all of a sudden and tears just fell... why.. what's so good about you? you so special mehhhhhh? sigh..

i don't want to miss you. i really don't.

2011-03-19T22:54:00.004+08:00

sigh... something is definitely wrong with my blackberry. i can't seem to reply to the messages i've received, and i think, i might go back to using my old phone, but the problem is, i don't have the slightest idea where my old phone now is. this is life, this is life. just wait for my very late replies, fellow friends. work - thank god i'm always cheerful around there, or nobody's gonna ever talk, and boom, there goes that very silent 'atmosphere' around us. school is starting in about a month (29 days more, as a matter of fact). i just hope i can manage both school and work at the same time. i thought of quitting this fucking tiring work of mine in april, but short of workers la howzzz. i'm being a patient and kind girl here to help out a little longer, lol :'(

your text last night filled my eyes with tears. those words touched my heart, but i'm never turning back. i... *big sigh* i've chose to let you go, and i know there's a better one coming along for you. you know i'm never good for you. ever since that day, my hope went black. you're the guy i call luv. this sorrow has gotten the best of me, and i'm tearing apart from this reality. well, i may be sad like hell like want to kill myself like want to cry every night right now, but i'll get over you somehow, like everybody else does, but.. i still miss you....

all i don't want to need at all

2011-03-14T14:25:00.007+08:00

all the best in life :'>

when darkness turns to light, it ends tonight

2011-03-12T22:53:00.008+08:00

someone out there is still waiting for you to accept her, and it struck me, why are you with someone older than you now? i know that when it comes to luv, age is just a number, but i think it's the best for us. also, i've thought it through. i can never be a good special friend to you, neither am i a good friend to all my other friends. i keep dissapointing everybody, and it hurts me real bad 'cause i start to feel guiltyness all over me, i just want to close my eyes and cry. after officially ending everything, i began to have flashbacks of all the memories. how we first met, how i've admired you for three years from far and finally getting you, all those messages, everything. and by 'everything', i really mean everything. i'm glad i've actually met up with you twice, feeling awkward at first and getting all comfortable in the end (even though it's just two times, it means something for someone so shy like me).
sigh. i won't post any longer, or i'll be posting all the sad parts. now that we're done, i'm so sorry. you deserve better. goodbye, luv. thank you for the memories. life is all about moving on and making sacrifices, yea i know. nah, i don' think i will regret my decision. for all we know, you'll be thanking me some day for letting you go :')

just another birthday wish

2011-02-13T05:17:00.019+08:00

happy seventeenth birthday, nur khumaira bte ja'afar :>

that's the birthday present below. it's nothing much. just something i made by myself. i'm too broke to buy anything big >:( gonna wish her a happy birthday on facebook now. did the same already through sms at 12am. me was the first person!

don't stop here. i lost my place. i'm close behind.

2011-02-11T04:26:00.008+08:00

i miss the one who drew this for me, even though the drawing sucks :'(
i don't think anybody is aware that i'm back on blogger? yes, i bet so. great, 'cause i really need to let things out in here sometimes. oh my, it hurts so much. gawddd, why now? please. i shouldn't regret my decision. seriously. i'm sorry i refused to reply and answer any of your messages or calls. you may call me heartless, as you please, but you will never know how guilty and bad i actually feel everyday. we were so fine until... sigh. i shall stop typing. my heart so pain. my eyes want cry. even the best fall down sometimes. i agree.

i highly doubt these feelings are reversible

2011-02-08T05:07:00.011+08:00

i was looking through old photos in this lappy when i stumbled upon pictures of me with my beloved watch. i miss my blue adidas peachtree watch and it was only three months old when i lost it. once in a while, i still wonder how it vanished from that table in the school canteen, JUST LIKE THAT. k thanks bye, short post again, but hello sweetheart, my head says let go but my heart chooses to stay. have i told you yet, that i'm so hopelessly in luv with you? that after all this time it's never dwindled, not even a smirch? it has only gotten stronger., and i think it will keep getting stronger :')

hey sweety, i need you here tonight

2011-02-07T03:36:00.003+08:00

my backbone is hurting so much. you know, scoliosis? dang. operation or not, operation or not? ugh. work was kinda tiring yesterday, but with the cheerful marissa around, my day is made enjoyable la hor. it's 3.10am right now, and my eyes are still wide awake. no, this is not because of insomnia. i have internet connection, that is why. hokey pokey. sudden flashbacks again. i miss mua secondary school - my friends, the awesome teachers, and of course, a certain special someone. we could have ended well, but i chose to sacrifice over that third party. sigh.. you are too lovely. if you love someone, let him go. if he comes back to you, he's meant to be yours forever, but if he doesn't, then he never was :'>

it's not over

2011-02-06T04:33:00.012+08:00

i'm feeling awful. sick as a dog. i hope the flu won't disturb my sleep later. whyyyyy thank you for the blue jacket, dear loved one. the weather was extremely cold outside, and i needed something to keep me warm badly. oh, i luv my neon plasters to tiny bits and shattered pieces. they are so pretty, the colour stands out a lot on my hand. about my hand, i was baking cookies in the oven and i burned my left hand. it left on my left arm a painful scar. rotten luck. mom got me a polaroid camera recently, and i can't stop taking pictures with it.
sigh. it was a big mistake for me to have read last year's posts. my mind is full of the past, currently. remembering all that jealousy, frustration and hatred are making me sad right now. funny how i could feel all those towards a friend. a very close one that is. thank you for everything that you've done. i may have silently forgiven you, but it will take time for me to forget...
my tears run down like razorblades, and no, i'm not the one to blame. it's you, or is it me?

silent turns to pain

2011-02-05T05:46:00.004+08:00

hi. i feel guilty to have abandoned this blog for a very long time. so, here i am back on blogger. well, life's pretty much great, but you know, sometimes, i just need someone to hear me out? i've been busy listening to people rantings and problems, i almost forgot about mine, but then also, what's the use, when i don't even intend to share them with anybody? i know. my bad, my bad. i have nobody but myself to blame. right. okay, thank you for listening to me, dear blog. this shall be a very short post, 'cause i've actually spent five hours to 'redecorate' the old blog (before this) to this freaking new one. yes, this one. like an owl, i'm only able to fall asleep in the morning. ya ya ya, good morning (y)

spare a thought

2010-08-07T22:50:00.006+08:00

it's time i let everything out again. i've taken in too much from you guys. i don't really ask for anything. just gimme space. i'm sick of hearing all that. i'm sick of being who i actually am not. i'm sick of bottling up everything and i wish somebody could hear me out. a classmate used to ask me who my true friends are, but i don't really have much to answer back. how to? i'm suffering slowly in school now >;(

save your heart

2010-06-10T07:54:00.006+08:00

i'm not gonna be so active here in blogger for naow. busy with school this june holiday. doesn't feel like summer break at all, but i'm really alive at tumblr. i have time only to post such short posts. spiky, although your hair is not spiky anymore, it's just a few days more. endure that. lazybums won't succeed in life. oh, i was just kidding. monstery, how should i feel? i feel jealous, frustrated and sad all at the same time. are you blind or what? come on ah sia :(

i cant stand it anymore

2010-05-19T21:06:00.005+08:00

assembly talk on monday was hilarious and that was the first assembly talk i really enjoyed. script checking from tuesday till tomorrow. math overall mark was a big dissapointment and i failed dnt by four pathetic marks. false hope for malay paper two. six marks is big deal for me. i shall not talk about english. totally-cannot-make-it marks. i feel fucking demoralised right naow. why is life not easy? :(

i cant face you a day naow without hatred in me. dont blame me when i get moody most of the times. just tell me to end everything if you really think im not of use anymore. i'd rather be alone this way than having people around me. everytime that happens, i just feel like breaking down in front of you and say that im really dissapointed in you straight to your face. if you havent realised yet, we have not been like usual. why must (insert name) come into our life? i feel left out, really. i didnt want history to repeat itself, but it just have to. i've been taking in alot all this while, and i cant stand it anymore naow. fml. im very sad, i want to cry :'(

it's still not too late

2010-05-16T17:28:00.010+08:00

cannot see me i know -_-

mid-year exam is over. a break from exam hell, finally, but that wouldnt last long. malay o-level paper is in 15 days' time and i've memorised hardly up to five peribahasaS wtf. i suck. time really flies fast. i dont realise that until naow. two days ago was marking day. i wasted my 7 bucks on panadol. down with fever and flu, but i still went out with yaya and janny. from city link to all around orchard and our final destination was esplanade. our feet were really tired by then. i feel rather impatient. the living room in my house is gonna be refurnish with new furnitures very soon. i hope my mama would do the same to my room also.

please slow down

2010-05-09T01:13:00.027+08:00

im hopeless, but still hoping.

changed my blogskin. simplicity. got sick of the old one. i've just signed up for formspring. i was pretty bored to death. answering questions would somehow entertain me at least. memorising geography stuffs is killing my brain cells slowly. three more days of mye. just endure a little more, karlina. oh i just remembered. i cant sleep. it's already 2am. without realising, time's racing very fast. im leaving you very soon.

http://www.formspring.me/karlycolourless

nur hidayah mohd ghazali

2010-05-07T18:26:00.004+08:00

happy 16th birthday to my beloved bestfriend ♥

cant believe you've just turned sixteen.

i still think i should be older than you. this is totally not fair.

im sorry today is not special, but i hope you like the pink teddy with the pretty flowers on the feet.

lots of luv by khumzy, diana and janny too. we luv you.

empty promises

2010-04-29T18:28:00.009+08:00

i dont really hate you, but then, i dislike you.

if you think i've somehow changed into someone you detest so much,

i did so because you made me do so.

dont fucking blame me. you've never care.

pinkish note

2010-04-28T21:59:00.004+08:00

first mid-year paper today and it was english. manageable but i concentrated too much on letter writing for paper one and summary for paper two. had to rush at the last few minutes to complete my composition and answer the bloody comprehension questions in the end. went back home early. mom didnt go to work today and i got to eat my lunch at home after a very long time of not doing so. i missed my mom's cooking alot (Y) malay paper tomorrow and im not motivated to study for it at all. i pasted a pink note on my phone and it's written 'im a sad girl. care to cheer me up?'

i could go on with my day making everything seem alright but as life goes on, it hurts more in every way. the presence of a third party. never fails to spoil my mood every single day. i know some of my friends know what im talking about (Y)

i practised this for hours

2010-04-22T18:55:00.008+08:00

another busy bee week. overslept, rushed to school and perspired alot today. no fringe at last. social studies test on rise of venice first thing in the morning, followed by geography focused test after school. stomach cramps the whole day. the worst one so far. cried in pain. yiwei hugged me and gave me her wide smile. mestrual pills didnt work for me just naow. this isnt how my thursday should be spent. kinda spoiled yaya's plan. i really apologise. hopefully, you did have fun with the other two. was walking calmly at the interchange when i felt someone tapped me on my right shoulder. it was hafizy wizzy! walked home with him. we had alot to talk about. happy 16th birthday! saw arfina too yesterday. three hugs and i-miss-you-very-much = happy moments.

i realised you only come to me when you needed help. i've been tolerating with your bullshits all this while. i cant believe that i stayed till today. i wish i was bold enough to have confronted you. let us see how much longer i can stand you (Y)

only exception

2010-04-11T05:58:00.011+08:00

so long since i update. again. school has really kept me busy. homeworks. tests. cca. talking about cca, next week would be the last cca training for us sec fours. i couldnt help but jump for joy when my cca teacher told me about it. cross country meet two days ago. the very first time. i felt that the distance was lesser than 2.4km. at least, someone agrees with me. ran with diana at the start, but i lost her somewhere. yes, somewhere. ran alone in the end. top 70 in position. had lunch at ljs with yaya before heading home. we laughed alot. this always happens when karly and yaya eat together. sudden wake up call from yiwei in the afternoon yesterday. she was eating at mcdonalds when she called me. random cute girl. im glad i've finished all homeworks. im left to revise for some irritating tests today. no more slacking.

if my friends dont like you, i ignore them and tell them they are wrong, even if i know they are right. too bad, i dont really talk about you to my friends HAHAHA. hayley williams is awesomely pretty ♥

vitamin k

2010-03-10T01:35:00.008+08:00

im updating my dead rotting blog, finally. life has been rather busy for me. study, homeworks and tests every single week. sister got a chance to go to paramore's concert on sunday. totally dislike her, only for that day. i hate being in school naow for some lameshit reasons which you know i know. felt better after letting it all out to a very close friend of mine yesterday in the school canteen at 4 plus pm. sorry for not mentioning your name. i dont want to make it obvious, but thanks anyway to those listening ears of yours. im still sad whenever i think back about it. just how should i say it to you? as days and weeks passed by, dont you realised that we are drifting further and further from each other? but im still trying to hold on. we'll see, we'll see.

im sucha failure. been failing my tests despite all those studying till late night. felt so miserable that i have to cry. downhearted. my efforts have all gone down the drain just like that. fuck everything. so dissapointed in myself. i wont break my promise. karlina's no more a social studies rep once i see a fail mark on focused test paper. goodbye, my dreams.

Gimme strength

2010-01-11T02:19:00.008+08:00

red red redddd. hahaha. monday to friday, school as usual. cca open house and flag day in a day on saturday. it's been really tiring, i could kill myself. well, i hope this week would be much more better. i wanna quit being a social studies rep. i just feel stupid about myself, but i cant seem to find the right time to talk to my ss teacher. many things have been on my mind this few days and i just feel like breaking down. yes, im feeling dissapointed, dissapointed becos you're slowly stealing something so precious to me. you've had everything about it that you know you shouldnt have, while i dont have anything, about yours. i've never had any bad intentions you think i would have. be frank with me. tell me what you really want. my feelings do matter sometimes. idk why i should deserve this but im chilled. one thing im afraid of when i think too much of these stuffs: not being able to concentrate in school. i think i need someone to talk to. preferably, a stranger (Y)

New year means new url

2010-01-01T03:14:00.011+08:00

time sure flies fast and it's already twenty ten. happy fucking new year and gong xi fa cai. havent really set any resolutions yet for this year cos last year's were not fully fulfilled. one thing's for sure, i want to pass my Os badly, but i really suck at math and science. can't life be any meaner? this is gonna be quite a long post. first day of a new year. it's okay. spent the few days back with yaya khumy janny. to be exact, three days ago. planned to finish up our holiday assignments but didnt managed to. still in the holiday mood. janny and khumy went back home after lunch while yaya and me went to somerset. something unfortunate happened yesterday. 400 bucks is not little. i just had a haircut. for 24 bucks. turned out ugly. very short. helmet-like. truly not worth it. i'll just have to wait till my hair grows again. ought to forget last night. one roll of tissue. worst than a person with flu. those dreams felt real but it wont happened in reality. not in a million years too. wake up, karl.

Hannah's regrets

2009-12-25T02:55:00.009+08:00

kinder joy, kinder joy. cca last tuesday. headed to jurong east library with khumy and diana after that. lunched at macs. khumy passed her paints to the red guy and that was all for the day. cca again yesterday, but i didn't attend it. sister was very sick. couldn't bring myself to sleep the night before. extremely tired. ready to drop kinda feeling. who cares about the competition anyway? late night call once again with yaya summer pelly, after a long period of missing her calls that is. time to change my ringtone. i guess it's too soft for my ears. xmas. cousins' day out for every cousins. red cellphone, red bag, red watch, red pinkish bottle. gong xi fa cai for me everyday of next year. kadang-kadang eh you.

i've figured out with all that has been said and done. thought it could be something.

Vegas skies

2009-12-16T02:30:00.004+08:00

16 december. another month has passed. happy one year three months of bestfrienship to yaya and karl. may we last long. till death do us part. im meeting you later. how wonderful! i've only got my pretty red pinkish adidas water bottle. my favourite bag is already out of stock. looks like i have to find a new suitable one. i've never felt as worst as just now. what a major breakdown. you didn't apologised. glad im okay with it now. just a sorry for not answering those phonecalls. currently listening to three days grace's. nineteen more days. mom's birthday. first day of school.

Ten million fireflies

2009-12-14T02:22:00.005+08:00

spent the whole day out with yaya summer pelly on 11 december. watched the twilight saga: new moon at vivo. the movie was awesome. i would rate it 9/10. diana owned laurent. hung around at sky park till the sun set. i enjoy those moments with bestfriend. one more time. going out with sistay later in the morning. gonna look for my new school stuffs. i bet i'll be out till late and sleep once i reached home. goodnight. this post is obviously random. 2 more days to yaya-and-karl's one year and three months of bestfriendship :)

Second place, second chance

2009-12-06T02:29:00.011+08:00

edusave award day yesterday. a sense of nervousness crept into me while i was waiting for my turn to take the prize. not only that. felt very warm too. that's when i knew i was going to have fever, and yes i did. shouldn't have gotten too nervous. it kills my immune system. saw that fucking strange despo-rate guy i dislike. his table was just beside mine during tea time. i swear i couldn't wait to disappear right at that moment. find it hard to go to sleep right now. the fever's spinning my head right round right round. i guess i should go have a very cold shower now to cool down this warmness. i hate being sick. enjoy your camp, yaya. good luck with luqman. aiseh. there's too much rights in this post.

im in the second place, to get a second chance. i thought i could give it a go and fix things up.

December rain

2009-12-04T23:46:00.007+08:00

yesterday = clementi polyclinic, bugis street, wheelock place, jurong east. slept for 14 hours in total. woke up only at 1 in the afternoon today. food poisoning since last thursday. blame it on the fathermucker yakult. felt alot better after taking medicines. i didn't buy the pocai though, yaya. hahaha. edusave/bursary award at kent ridge sec tomorrow. stage frights. i hope everything go smoothly, unlike during speech day this year. i cried after receiving my prize just because i didn't know where the camera man was and where to face. one of the most embarrassing moment in life. something unforgettable. my cellphone's fully charged now. gonna have night shower and message yaya. i've promised her hehe.

i felt happy upon seeing you 'liking' it. it has been so long, so so long.

Right moves

2009-11-29T01:28:00.006+08:00

selamat hari raya aidiladha. grandmother came to singapore about a week ago and yesterday was her last day here. turned in early on friday night and woke up feeling unfresh at 7am to send her off at the ferry terminal with famili. shopped at vivo city after that. bought a pair of jeans and blouse for myself. yaya-and-karl day out last wednesday. library and jurong point. hehehe. i kinda miss school. the fun. the laughters. the friends. looking forward to new stuffs for school next year. i believe i made the right moves, but i can't seem to leave it all behind. one year. the feeling of unfairness in me. dear january, above and under, three storeys high, your new legs, my last year, ignorance. shit bye to ya. eh, please eh please. damned if i don't.

Another step

2009-11-18T18:50:00.011+08:00

happy one year two months to us two days ago. us, as in yaya and karlina. not sezairi and yaya. hehehe. ferrero rondnoir. thankzyou for the belated birthday gift. went for cca this morning. met up with yaya to head for the gym after that. eh pendek! hahahahaha. banquet together. toilet together. train ride home together. just you and me, me and you. maths remedial again this friday. yaya khumzy diana janny. i pay no attention to anything of that sort. just going with the flow. i hope to share about it. feels good that way. it has been on my mind everyday. but i guess, i'm not ready yet. in the end, it's all about who deserves it better. i'm being miss brightside for a moment somehow. there's always the brighter side of life to look at. someday someday.

Big crush airhole

2009-11-13T03:01:00.017+08:00

sister's going for her ncdcc camp tmr. three days two nights. nobody to play uno with me. i woke up early for nothing on tuesday. remedial was cancelled when i came to school. fed up. life can be unfair sometimes. spent the remaining remedial hours with yaya instead. in the library. laughters in the toilet. my face expression was omg priceless. someone was controlling my body, no. down with fever since wednesday, along with flu and bloody sore throat. yes yaya, we are still meeting later on. don't you worry. hehe. there's always panadol to kill the pain. ala. eksen lar panadol. pick up the pieces. throw them far away. im never coming back. it's like learning to let go. im still trying. 4.02am. time to sleep.

Hero heroine

2009-11-09T04:09:00.009+08:00

it has been a week since i updated. everytime i wanna blog, i have this lazy kinda feeling to even type out my username. i dont know why. yea. went out with yaya last tuesday. we wore pink. pinky dinky doo. sister's birthday was on last friday and i havent bought any present for her yet. gonna do that soon. yea. this week, another busy week. math remedial tomorrow and later on in the afternoon. cca from wednesday onwards. i had a bad dream few days ago. i realised i was crying when i woke up. asshole. felt so betrayed. but dreams dont really turn to reality, do they? i guess i know who's more important. i've burned all those stuffs. thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great.

wanted to get inside. but it's already too late. there's no turning around.

Fast forward

2009-10-29T21:05:00.006+08:00

started the day off laughing over the most moronic thing. thanks to chenfei's trophy. took pictures during math lesson and laughed hard during chem. sakaki-kun is cute when he can't control his anger. went to jurong point after school with yaya khumy diana. khumy accompanied me until cca started. fell asleep during cca. thank god it ended early by one hour just now. i still can't accept the fact that i may drop. it worries me alot. i know i didn't give it all for this examination. but i hope for a second chance. i really need it. tomorrow is the day. if the news from jiaxin is true, i'll really need a shoulder to cry on. i may just break down any minute by then. to hell with dissapointing results :(

New perspective

2009-10-27T21:49:00.007+08:00

spent my saturday with mom and sisters. shopped for clothes and some red stuffs. yea, sunday was like an off day for me. khumy and i planned to go out together on monday. but we changed our mind. decided not to. great. another day to rest. school started again today. everything went fine. except that the monster masks looked kinda scary, i started to cry. life is too short to worry about those shits. at least i still have friends. they bring me happiness in the outside world what the fuck is that. ate lunch at kfc just now with yaya khumy janny. libraried with them after that. vanilla cone before heading home.

i'm trying real hard not to shake. all those thoughts are leaving me tonight, hopefully.

Take it to heart

2009-10-18T21:03:00.009+08:00

i was touched by yaya's post at her onsugar. so sweet. i'm sad that this year will be the last year you'll be in jwss. yea i've never thought we would be this close. we were just classmates back then. seeing each other faces every day, smile and saying hi, ending the day with a bye that kinda thing. we didnt talk much, even so hang out together. i'm not really sure how we got close but i enjoyed getting to know you better each and every day. now we are best friends. i hope you know i would not be the person i am today without you. you helped me out of the dark. i'll give you my heart as an offering. i've dedicated a song for you. not colourless. happy one year and one month, nur hidayah :)

tell me why. i can't seem to face the truth.

Hairy raya

2009-10-15T19:17:00.021+08:00

exams are finally over. i feel great about it. no more burning the midnight oil and stuffs. went hari raya with yaya khumzy and diana yesterday. everybody cried because of something yesterday except for khumzy. we still had an awesome time though. but what a sad kinda ending for the day. parents should actually give a little bit more freedom. we are already fifteen. i hope diana's alright with her mom already. all other pictures are uploaded at facebook.

memories supposed to fade. what's wrong with my heart.
shake it off let it go. should be strong, movin on. didnt think it would be this hard.

The feeling of lost

2009-10-04T07:07:00.016+08:00

pineapple river last week. creamy sunsilk cake this week wtf. i didnt sleep last night. if only my mind could forget some stuffs easily. chem and ss paper in two days' time. i feel useless when it comes to exams. but i'm gonna just get them over and done with. i think i've got a new crush. sezairi sezali. he is, you know, cute and sweet. hehe. i know what you've been up to. just dont make me lose my trust in you, my friend. when that was written for you was what i thought was best for me, i will make it a memory that is most beautiful in life. but it would not be easy for me to leave this track of life.

khumzy : alamak. kan da ade orang amek tempat tu *lay dead on the floor*

karly: hahahaha. khumz, you should just move on with life

sometimes, i say the most stupid sentence at the wrong time. it made khumz laugh harder.

Trying to get up

2009-10-01T03:47:00.023+08:00

almost gave up on malay paper 2 yesterday. it was just so difficult. damn that sunat. she's really getting on my naked nerves. that was too much of her. but cheer up, yaya. everything will be fine. stop having negative thoughts about it. whatever that may happen, they happen for a reason. a good reason. back to normal lessons later on in school. what a boring life. i feel this suckish kinda feeling everytime people talk about that matter. but i'm still cool. it's alright, you know. feeling dissapointed is like normal in life. miserable at best for now. i just need a little bit more time to get over it. help me.

Dont worry, it's over

2009-09-30T03:21:00.009+08:00

i managed to control that hatred in school for the past two days. but it was not easy. like tanbeewan said, sometimes when you're sad, you just have to keep it to yourself. thats what im doing. it's alright to sacrifice your feeling sometimes. good luck to the both of you. all the best. hidayah's phone got confiscated. damn that sunat. i'll confiscate her phone one day. it's gonna be like a payback time for her. libraried with janny and khumzy after that. ape tengok-tengok. fuck, man. english paper down. what else? i'm losing hope and faded dreams along the way. but every single memory still remains.

:(:(:(

2009-09-28T01:08:00.007+08:00

i hate this sad feeling. i thought i'll be fine. but i'm not now. i cant seem to study. i cant seem to sleep. i'm forever thinking about it. maybe this getting over thing will take quite a long time for me. thanks to people whom tried to hear me out. but i think, i wanna keep it to myself for some time first. i was trying to find someone to cheer me up. and danial's talking to me now. thanks alot. i wonder what's my monday gonna be like later? it's 1.28am now. i wanna change blogskin. mine now is ugly.

Penny for my thoughts

2009-09-27T05:05:00.019+08:00

dammit, my hand looks scary. my fingers are swollen. granny just came to singapore yesterday. shared some disheartening kinda stuffs with her yet she forced me to go to school tmr before i could feel slightly better. for the sake of an old woman, it's okay i guess. i'm just worried i might break down if i cant control that hatred. decided not to privatise blog. it's not a cool thing to do. pretending i'm okay is better than being sad all the time. that is what people always do. going to find some peace at the reservoir later. it's time to let go of those sorrows. no one understands. exams are starting soon fuck it.

Changes has occured

2009-09-25T20:31:00.018+08:00

i feel different. i feel like the odd one. i'm at my weakest point now. fragile. even the slightest irritation can make me tear. my heart aches. it has happened in school for three days straight already. i tried to hold back my tears but i couldn't. i know i'm nothing. i shouldn't have created that space. now i'm left far behind. it doesn't pay to be kind. i'll learn to get up by myself everytime i fall. i dont feel like attending school on monday. the class photo would be perfect without me inside. maybe i'm gonna privatise my blog soon. i always write shit stuff here. i dont want people to read it.

Secret crushy kinda thing

2009-09-24T03:10:00.008+08:00

today's the fifth day of raya and my collection is still so little. forgive and forget my mistakes. started off my wednesday badly yesterday. i didnt know why i had to think of those stupid stuffs during math. that's when i broke down. i just wish for better days. there are countless of reasons why people should hate my dad. have not been having the mood to go to school lately. i'm a useless piece of shit. just one more month and it's like fourteen. alar, you know, fourteen? syltra's out. that's not the way man :(

Life's like this

2009-09-17T02:17:00.006+08:00

16 sep. first anni with hidayah. happy merry ^^
i had a good laugh in school yesterday but i'm very sad now
cry or not to cry. let it out or not to let it out. how confusing this shit is
i'll post a proper update on first anni soon. don't worry be happy lar whattt

No one listens

2009-09-11T18:58:00.025+08:00

just two more days and school resumes again. asked mama for advices and such on how to study for exams but i could follow none. five minutes to break fast and we're not talking. don't keep me wondering why. i'm gonna spend my saturday finishing up my 2.1 kilos of undone school assignments. not looking forward to hari raya celebration. it won't be fun anymore. done updating. it's your turn yeye pelly twerily well huhuhu what is this? sing me a song. i'm just looking for somewhere to belong.

In my dreams

2009-09-10T05:58:00.019+08:00

my two favourites got into the top 13! i very happy. gave my backbone appointment on tuesday a miss and went for geog class instead. from four to three when yeye pelly left and three to two went khumzy had to go too. it's only janny and karly left in the library on tuesday. have not been going online for quite some time. slacky. i need a break. now spiky hair messages me instead. it's not easy to avoid him. prepaid's low again. currently doing my english project. forest fire on orange, yellow and red paper. just like my new blogskin hehe. but i bet this skin will be a temporary one.

One time

2009-09-05T03:37:00.009+08:00

justin bieber is one awesome guy. i luv his eyes :)

thursday was a peachy day. spiky hair from 2 in the afternoon to 6 in the evening. lessons turned out lively yesterday. topsy-turviness during d&t. cam and follower was written too big for you, hidayah. speaking about hidayah, i accompanied her to her jurong house after school. came back to school two hours later and we slept in the canteen for real. the reason is stuck in my head. it weakens me more than very much. holidays are starting next week and butterflies in my stomach would stop for awhile that way. its about 4am already and i still cant sleep. whywhywhyy. sick at heart. it always comes back everytime i try to forget. i wish you never existed.

Best feeling

2009-09-03T03:11:00.007+08:00

read about insomnia just a moment ago. having too much problems, its a cause of insomnia too. now i know why im not able to sleep. its time to think of solutions to problems. i cant wait to sleep well again. oh yes, it was indefinable in school yesterday. had some sort of flu. i was too nervous, i guess. had math remedial. i dislike mr chen's bothersome face. it really bothers me alot. sent hidayah to the dance room and went to the library with khumzy. saw primary school friendz from commonwealth sec and we talked alot. felt dead beat when i reached home. fell asleep while feeding twinkleberry, ish

Truth

2009-09-01T23:55:00.006+08:00

i wouldnt want to blog until blogger is fine. it pisses me off when my picture didnt turn out in this post. im using photobucket instead, alamak kental lar. aces day, it was shyness everywhere. teachers' day concert was boring. i almost fell asleep. to my yeye pelly, i wanted to tell you im sorry but maybe, it just wasnt my day. i misplaced my phone. i felt guilty for the past two days. i shouldnt have cared about my hair in the first place. yea, its just an umbrella. i lied too about meeting my sister that day. i didnt know what to do since i was feeling guilty at that moment. i understand if you are angry at me. i apologise.

One for the radio

2009-08-29T23:44:00.008+08:00

i might wanna blog somewhere else while waiting for blogger to be okay. nasty. met arfina and hafiz early morning on thursday before meeting hidayah. i felt short walking beside them. i was late for school yesterday. the cold air, the calm water, the tranquil sight. i chilled at the reservoir to relax my mind. couldnt stop crying. now hidayah's talking science with me already. its only bio and chem in her mind, i guess. diana's no more beside me in malay class. im all alone. but im sitting between khumzy and hidayah during other lessons. i feel so secured alahai. hopefully McFly comes to singapore after their european tour hohoho merry christmas

Let it roll

2009-08-25T20:45:00.003+08:00

blogger couldnt be count on. useless piece of shit. PE lesson was just walking then resting. no soccer. no running. spiky hair was stupid to ask me why i walked instead of run. oh what a tuesday. the classroom was filled with the mellifluous sound of a classmate's guitar. his voice was great too. well actually, i felt downcast the whole day. so down in the dumps. but the gloominess didnt last for long.

i was alright after school. hidayah and i went home straight. took the train. i've always alight at jurong east and hidayah is alone all the way. if only i could bring tampines to jurong east, life would be fun. i promised diana to write about her in blog. this is just something random from me. i think you are hotter than alex evans. but im hotter than you. for now, i just need time to be okay. a signal to stay, but i'll still leave. just let it roll

Now a hungover

2009-08-23T14:36:00.009+08:00

happy birthday, liyana. im wishing you in advance. it was triple happiness inside the bus on friday. a pop sound was produced when i sat on the chair. my embarrassing moment. what do you expect? hidayah and i laughed like theres no saturday. i believe theres an unsewn hole somewhere at the chair lol. stopped laughing after awhile. but the ringtone beside me just had to break what they call, the one-minute silence. it sounded worst than chinese opera and we laughed harder this time round. kengteng kengteng. reached library. i chilled. hidayah did notes. and we lived happily ever after. selamat fasting to people around the world. those personal messages killed me a little. they made me feel like breaking down. but i'll hold on. yes i will

Long post for your daddy

2009-08-19T19:12:00.009+08:00

i just realised something. i've not been updating on mondayz and tuesdayz when im totally free on those dayz. thats pretty weird, you may say. school sucks alot recently. i've been crying everytime theres book check. doing corrections of the whole file and book at the last minute kills my brain. theres just too much of them. went to the library after school just now with hidayah khumzy janny. yes the usual people. hidayah had a hard time deciding whether to attend her cca or not. she went at last. thats my yeye pelly. lets eat kentucky fried kendricky with indian curry some time. i bet its cheaper than any chicken out there. life's never fair. spiky hair and me are talking again alahai. cmon, when is the last time?

16:9:11 :)

2009-08-16T22:52:00.002+08:00

see how happy twinkleberry is. she won first for the race. i spent alot of coins on her clothes too. its double happiness for her. today is the 16. happy 11th month, yaya perry. its just a month away to our first bestfriendship anni hehe. jim carey reminds me of somebody, the male version of karlina. yes man. i miss my phone. it has been four dayz without it. gonna give another try sooner or later. tmr would be awesome if bloody him were to wake up late for school. just absent yourself, kedi. make life easier for me. i'll be more than just grateful. really

Liar liar

2009-08-15T20:05:00.013+08:00

finally can upload picture yey. saw nasrulhaq on my way home on thursday. smiled at each other like theres no friday. went to see mr gopal before focused test yesterday. but i didnt get my phone back. i cried cos i was fucking pissed. sent hidayah to the interchange and i stayed back with khumzy till 6 plus in school. frankly speaking, i feel left out this few dayz. i dont know why. come to think of it, maybe im just imagining thingz. but it doesnt feel like it. oh yes, the more i try to avoid you, the more i bump into you instead. life is unfair. it really is :(

Diam sudah

2009-08-13T05:08:00.006+08:00

blogger is having problemz again. irritating nye. went for cluster games at westwood sec yesterday. the ball was just beside me. and i was being a freaking blur block. i still feel guilty. i dont deserve the trophy. reached home at around 8pm. suprisingly, i did my homeworkz though i was exhausted. cca later on after school. to hell with it. but i'll love social studies make-up lesson. its getting more fun each day. i couldnt sleep last night. im still not over it

Cry tonight

2009-08-12T01:45:00.008+08:00

i've got no life. i know im running away from reality. thats stupid. but its the only thing im good at. i cant think of other wayz. im gonna believe it since i heard it right from the mouth. theres nothing for me to look forward to anymore. its 1.53 am. oh yes i've got no more life. i've said goodbye for the last time. i hope its for the last time. im forced to do this. nobody is in the wrong. i just want to end it. i feel miserable enough. this is life. i cant do anything about it. pretend like nothing has happened. this post is fucking random. dont bother. chiao

Here i go

2009-08-06T23:44:00.009+08:00

6 dayz mc since monday due to having alot of h1n1 symptoms. but i still insist on coming to school. school is luv. fucking pissed off. at the same time, sad. phone has been confiscated. damn that bloody dont-know-how-to-tie-hair teacher. and her teeny weeny scandal. mama's gonna see mr gopal and try to claim my phone back tmr. cant live a day without my phone. i just have to text people. tangan gatal.

had lunch in school today with hidayah khumzy janny. stayed back with khumzy till 6 plus. ncdcc pupils attacked our table. kecoh. the night was still young. i walked slowly back home, hearing only one. its time for me to face the truth. i may break into tears but i know im doing this for a friend. i shouldnt be selfish. its time. good luck :)

Too much biology

2009-08-01T16:41:00.019+08:00

what a friday. i've never felt so stressed up like i did yesterday. i was about to give up but i didnt. i still tried to memorise geography 10 minutes before the test. didnt study much for chem and bio focused test. no hopes for chemistry. but bio paper was manageable.

went over to the right atrium via the vena cava. sat at one corner of the right ventricle with hidayah. oh no i think its the middle. saw spiky hair during his cca break. all that forcing was worth it. decided to go back home through the pulmonary artery at 4.30 so i left a note on khumzy's drawing block. diana told me they saw the note and khumzy kept it in her lungz. is it thrombikinase? thrombinikase? or thrombikininase? its thrombokinase lar ape. yea, theres too much of bio right here.

Where are you?

2009-07-30T23:58:00.003+08:00

social studies test was sucking the hell out of me. i felt dissapointed for a minute or so. i couldnt hold it any longer. had to go to the toilet and cry. but i was alright when i came back to class. even if i pass, i dont get happy. i dont know why. the reason im labelled 'weird'. bestfleeen accompanied me till my cca started. cca turned out kinda fun. the teacher told sharidah, me and some others to cut papers instead. geography and combined science test tmr. im gonna flunk both for sure. dammit, i feel so discouraged once more.

i prefer the times when i talked alot and you sound like a robot

Say goodbye

2009-07-27T01:33:00.013+08:00

great, blogger's back to normal already. its 1.34am now. i cant sleep this few dayz. it feels like insomnia. somehow, karma striked me this morning. i made fun of sister about something and laughed darn hard. didnt realised there was a chair in front of me and my knee accidentally hit it. fucking pain. oh theres the blue black mark. you know you wish you could. i wish i could do the same. how i wish. fringe. messy hair. hands over face. cold. only one. i wanna scream my lungz out. theres school later. forcing myself to sleep now goodnight

Spiky hair

2009-07-24T19:48:00.010+08:00

im starting to hate blogging. not because im lazy to blog. blogger is having problems, suckz. why is life so unfair? i tried talking to some people about this particular person, but none showed enthusiasm upon hearing it. that made me feel miserable. yeah i understand. friendz are more important. i can only depend on my teddy bear right now. sueyee and some other chinese were learning malay from us malayz yesterday during d&t lesson. mr soh seemed so serious saying this particular sentence. doesnt he even know what is tetek? i wonder

sueyee and some others: tetek tetek tetek... aku tetek kecik
mr soh: what tetek tetek. all tetek, please return your chairs
karl and classmates: HAHAHAHAHH *we really laughed like theres no tmr*

True friends?

2009-07-18T19:23:00.013+08:00

i took the picture using bestfleeen's phone. it was like long ago at lake park. amazing race, or what they call the fun on foot challenge just now was kinda enjoyable. its all about history. homage of newton, my favourite statue. pictures taken today are in bestfleeen's phone. i'll upload once i get them. didnt want to have lunch after the race. but people were asking alot of whys. i just wanted to be alone. i wasnt in the mood. something was bothering me. feeling abandoned made it more worst. i was a calefare to be there. tears. my eyes hold back until i boarded my bus. its okay to cry. it will just make me feel better after that. i still feel sad whenever i think back about it. haha i dont sound like karlina

16:9:10

2009-07-16T19:19:00.008+08:00

hi thats my bestfriend. happy 10 monthz to my bestfriend. two more months to our anniversary. when are you going to grow? im still waiting, hidayah. we are turning sixteen soon. its alright if you dont know what i mean as long as i do. be strong and believe in yourself. the end.

my dreams have always been about spiky hair. thats why my mornings suck. amazing race this saturday. was supposed to go to suntec after school today with bestfleeen, khumzy and janin. we were to collect the t-shirts for the race but i had no mood. bestfleeen had other planz too. im sorry. free chocolates for khumzy and janin tmr. nobody was at home when i came back. had to wait outside the house for two fucking hours. i thought i was going to die. too bad im still alive. why i cried? i dont know why

Syiok sendiri rep

2009-07-13T20:46:00.016+08:00

gonna be a very long post. mind it. bestfleeen just moved to tampines. she has to wake up very early every school dayz. i pity her. but im happy that shes enjoying life with her dad and stepmama. i knew you could overcome this shit. dont worry too much about your mamiii. she has to understand about your feelingz too. i believe she'll forgive you one day. a mami wont hate her child forever.

i came late to school on purpose so i could spend more time with bestfleeen. ran two roundz around the parade square as punishment. tried fun choy today. my first time. it was nice. headed to the library after school with bestfleeen, khumzy, janin. alot of laughters. we did our homeworks too. went to jurong point before going back home. i was tricked by janin and bestfleeen. oh no its not okay. but yes its okay. took the train and bus home. cried in the bus. my heart was grieving. someone is a social studies rep too. copycat only. tags would be replied soon. i feel so worn out

Officially fifteen

2009-07-05T23:30:00.027+08:00

worst birthday ever. cried three times today. i still cant upload pictures. celebrated with family and all. will upload pictures on the next post. that is if only im not lazy to. received 27 unread smses when i woke up. others were offline birthday wishes in msn. bestfleeen's post for me is cute, i like. currently otp with yaya perry. oh yes, shes the bestfleeen. msging yiwei at the same time. they sure make my day. i made a wish before the blackforest cake. it will come true someday. i know it will. spiky hair was the first to wish me happy birthday

i pretended like i was okay. i tried to go far away. i sacrificed how i feel. i've just turned fifteen. its time for a change. i wanna forget, but you stopped me

Dangerous pair

2009-06-29T20:06:00.014+08:00

im not able to upload picturez, what is this? headed to school to buy my school shoes with bestfleeen last thursday. her real dad treat me to lunch after that. i went over to bestfleeen's crib the next day to do holiday homeworkz together and i went back home at 8 in the night. i slept the whole day of saturday and i went to cut my hair yesterday. now my hair is fucking short and ugly. i feel so dejected. i want my old hair back.

alot of new haircutz today. yiwei's hair is luvly. im fatigued. ate lunch at macs with bestfleeen after school. trained to bugis to search for bestfleeen's favourite bag. back home at 6.15 or so. twin number one and twin number two. very identical twinz. they dont even know each other but coincidentally they got the same bag. is this world going to end or what. why do i feel like as if this post is long? how can this be?

Fucking fucking

2009-06-24T17:51:00.008+08:00

i read haryanti's blog in the morning. the fucking holidayz wouldnt be fucking extended. thats good news. oh yes the 'fucking' sounds so fucking familiar hahaha. im going to school tmr. i want new school shoes badly. im damn bored. its the 24th of june today. only i know what today means. have been having weird dreams everyday and this particular someone appeared in every of them. nervous. shy. a little dissapointing. but the spiky hair is still cute

Chasing cars

2009-06-23T23:58:00.012+08:00

bestfleeen wanted to meet her stepmama just now but the plan was cancelled. her stepmama had diarrhoea after eating rojak and she was afraid to go out of house. headed to school to buy my new school shoes. luckily we saw the school security guard when we were halfway walking. he told us that the school bookshop was closed. no wasted trip yey. went to the library after that. all i did was flipping through my worksheetz. went home after spending three hours there. it was freezing cold inside the bus. i had a cold when i reached home. mama was being kind. she made hot tea for me and i fell asleep. this is luv

24 june. another month has gone by. i cant believe this is happening to me. thankz for everything (u)(u)(u)

Completely lost

2009-06-22T16:04:00.004+08:00

Alex, i choose you <3>

I enlarged the picture on purpose. Let it stand out from the rest. Dammit, he's just so hot. A moment of gayness. All Time Low's third studio album will be released two dayz after my birthday, what is this? People are saying that the holidayz are gonna be extended because of that bloody swine flu. Im sick and tired of holidayz. I wanna go to school and study. Hell, thirteen more dayz. I dont want to turn fifteen so soon. Fourteen is an awesome number.

I need to wake up from this state of mind. Nothing's ever gonna change.

Rest in peace

2009-06-20T15:35:00.003+08:00

Got this picture from Juwina's blog. This is Siti Nur Arfina, my childhood buddy and my best friend for 3 years. It has been ages since i last saw her. Where did the luv go? We're not close anymore. Not even an inch, but thats okay. I hope shes doing fine. Today is her birthday so happy birthday to her.

Black and blue

2009-06-18T23:46:00.008+08:00

I missed the first 30 bus to Bestfleeen's house today cause i was busy staring at my left slipper lol. I cursed alot after seeing the bus leaving my bus stop too soon. Went over to the library with Bestfleeen after that to finish up holiday homeworks. Her brother tagged along. Noisy yet timid. Saw a random schoolmate. She wore everything red. Want to go where? She looked to the ground when she saw us. C'mon, we are not going to attack you. The library was fully packed. We couldnt find a table at first. Jannah was our life saver. We attacked her table. Ate at Macs before going home. I only managed to finish a shit of book review just now, what is this? No mood to do homework lah what else?

Im always gonna worry about the thingz that could make us cold.

Fighting all the devilz take time. I dont like.

16:9:9 ;)

2009-06-16T17:31:00.009+08:00

Luckily i have a blog, since i couldnt wish Bestfleeen in person and by phone. Without realizing, its already our 9th month of best-friendship hehe. Thankz for sharing your fancy gemz with me. You make me addicted to it. Red and purple always come side by side, what is this? Thankz for the company everytime i wait for my bus at the bus stop near your place. I like lying on your bed, what is this? Thankz for 16 September. You said Alex Gaskarth has fallen for you, what is this? What Hidayah what? Happy 9 monthz lah what else?

Mama went out earlier just now. She brought back stuffz for my hair. Hair conditioner, hair shine spray, hair moisturiser, scalp lotion, hair everything~ I wanna go mess my hair up so happy 9 monthz Hiddyyyyy

Just a dream

2009-06-13T15:53:00.018+08:00

Bestfleeen hasnt been updating her onsugar if you realise. Her internet's down. Khumzy's feeling jealous because i got A2 for malay hehe kasi chance ah youuuUu~ I was 45 minutes late for Maths extra lesson yesterday. I woke up fucking late, thats why. Followed Bestfleeen to the playground she used to slack during her primary school dayz and she shared her colourful fancy gemz with me. I had flashbacks on my way back home. Thats when desperation and emptiness accompanied me. How i wish i could rewind time. Hahahhaha i sound so emo sia bye

Remembering Tuesday

2009-06-11T23:00:00.012+08:00

Went swimming with Bestfleeen today. Last minute plan. I was hoping to turn dark so i swam alot under the sun. Washed up at around 2. Had our late lunch at Banquet. I was dumb. My mind was somewhere else. I forgot that the claypot rice was still hot. Ate a spoonful of it and i scalded my tongue, dammit. I've gotten my Nivea cleansing foam yay~ Maths extra class tmr. Gonna see Mr Chen's grumpy face again. I get enervated when it comes to his lessonz. Im feeling dejected and perplexed right this minute. It's only a hope. It's meaningless in truth.

Take control

2009-06-10T17:12:00.013+08:00

Lol my mid-year resultz. Enlarge to see clearly. First time passing my Malay with flying colours hehe i like. Go laugh your ass off at the comment teacher wrote about me. Im never quiet. Didnt go swimming today, im fucking sorry. Something cropped up at the last minute. Mom and dad are still proceeding with what's gonna lead us to a bitter end. Confirmed date, 2nd of july. One day before dad's birthday, three dayz before mine. Nevermind, it's okay. I know i can go through this shit. Sick of my previous blogskin so i changed blogskin last night.

Still holding on to what is gone. Why? My strength. Nothing else has ever felt so true.

Faith restart

2009-06-09T23:48:00.019+08:00

Bestfleeen wasnt wearing school shoes to school yesterday so she wasnt allowed to enter school. I accompanied her back to her house to change to school shoes. It was already 9.21am by then so we decided to give the Maths extra lesson a miss. Went jogging with Bestfleeen at Lake Park. I enjoyed. Pictures of me without fringe = fuckface. Bathed at Bestfleeen's house and went to Jurong Point to buy some stuffz before heading home. Maybe going swimming with Bestfleeen and her sister tmr. If i cant go, im sorry. If i can go, im sorry too. I cant swim because im having mensus lol. Im sad right now. Why do I still fucking bother to hold on? Stoopid or whattttt? ;(

One, 21 gunz

2009-06-05T19:28:00.005+08:00

As you can see, my hair is very big lol. I just got my internet back thankz to mama. She finally got someone to repair the internet yesterday. After knowing that there's something wrong with the modem, she got a new one straight away. That's the reason why my mom is great. I rotted at home the whole day. Luckily there was Bestfleeen, Shukri and Khumzy to chat/talk with.

Bestfleeen has made a blog. I find that cool. Parents-meeting session was awesome because mama is happy with my mid-year resultz. First time passing my mid-year, dont be shock. 13th in class, the unlucky one~